Mommy Mack and Rhys

I never thought I would do this but today I am writing an update on both Rhys and myself. For starters, happy Thanksgiving to those in Canada. My parents had people over today so I had to stash all my baby stuff in my room and it is currently still a disaster. My son, of course, slept through everyone being over so no one got to see him. Well, he woke up grumpy just after dessert was served so everyone got to hear him scream and watch my mom feed him as they all packed up to leave. That was fun. But, the main reason for me writing today is because while Rhys and I were in the bath (we bath together almost every single night, right at 8:00) I had a realization. I realized that I was starting to feel connected to my son again. I went through a spell of about a week to a week and a half where I felt like I was just going through the motions, not actually loving my life and enjoying being a mom. I felt disconnected from my son. It was like it had finally set in that we are no longer the same person anymore. I obviously know I birthed him and he is no longer part of me, but maybe it took my subconscious mind some time to figure that out. But, I definitely feel connected to my son now. I wanted to be with him today, I missed him while he was sleeping, I wanted to hold him, and love him. Lately I have just wanted to put him down in his swing or his crib and just do my own thing. I felt so cold and awful. I still loved him the entire time and would never want anything bad to happen to him, I just didn't want to be close to him, until today. It felt so good sitting in the bath and just reliving my day watching my son's smiling face and realizing, I missed him a lot today and I just want to cherish being with him right now. I cherished it until he screamed to tell me he was done with the bath. I actually even tried moving him to different positions to see if he would stop crying so I could hold him even a few seconds longer. I felt so good.

Now, along with reconnecting with my son, I have disconnected with myself. I hit a massive identity crisis and decided I needed a drastic change. I have been planning on doing my hair a different colour for a few days now but, we didn't have everything we needed to do it. But, thanks to my crazy mental health and my identity crisis, I insisted it get done today. So, before my sister went back up to her apartment, she grabbed the little bleach we had left and mixed it up with some peroxide and started coating my hair. Just as she was dying the last of the tips of my hair, she ran out of bleach and like I said, we had no more. Given that today is a holiday, there was no way of getting more. So I am now left with completely dyed roots that are white as can be and the tips of my hair are like a dark orange. My natural hair is dark brown but I also have a lot of red in it so orange I shall be. Luckily, my end goal is to end up with nice natural looking ginger hair, so I'm not too far off. Moral of today's story, be patient, everything gets better with time. My hair will look nicer when I wait for my mom to go to beauty salon and get the proper dye, and I am finally reconnecting with my son. Time really helps a lot of things.

Now about Rhys. Not a lot has changed in his development but, I did want to quickly share that he is so, so, so, so close to sitting up on his own and I am super excited. He likes to sit up with some support but if you hold him on a lean he will lift himself up to a sitting position! I am so proud of the progress he is making and can't wait to be able to put him in a playpen with toys and see how he does! Obviously we aren't quite there yet but soon! Also, we tried putting him in an exersaucer today and he did fairly well but it only lasted a couple of minutes because he doesn't really understand toys too well so to him, he was kind of just standing, supported, on his own and he didn't much like that idea. We will try again in a couple of weeks maybe. He is getting better with his hands but still doesn't really understand that if he opens his hand while moving his arm, he will throw whatever is in his hand across the room. I have had to sanitize many soothers due to this new found issue but like most things, it won't last. I just have to be patient and he will learn what he is doing and learn to keep the things he likes close to him.